“Having a hard semester wasn't an excuse for sexual assault.”
Content Warnings include explicit descriptions of sexual assault, masturbation, and rape culture rhetoric on Oberlin’s campus, threats, and the harmful and inadequate responses of Oberlin’s Title IX office.
When I was in my first semester of freshman year, I had to report my next-door neighbor to the Title IX department. We shared a very thin wall, so we could hear what went on in each other's rooms. One night, when I had a friend over, we overheard him arrive home with a gaggle of drunk team members — this was during the height of COVID, so this many people were not allowed, nor was the alcohol as he was underage. He and his teammates spent an hour or so loudly recounting and bragging about the sexual assaults they had successfully gotten away with on campus and discussed potential women to assault in the future. My friend and I immediately reported this, both to our RA and using the Title IX department's online reporting system, providing detailed specifics (including the names of every person involved).
When the RA (a woman) confronted my neighbor and his guests for A) the things we'd overheard, B) the number of people in his room, and C) the alcohol present, my neighbor expressed ignorance to Oberlin's COVID rules and alcohol policy, claiming he was a freshman and was unaware of these rules (a lie, he was a sophomore). His teammates ended up pressuring her into leaving without expelling them or reporting their alcohol usage. After she left, they began debating who "the snitch" was and how they would punish them.
Later, the RA expressed to me that she was afraid for her own safety, should she have insisted they leave or indicated that she would report them. I expressed to the RA that I felt unsafe living in the same hallway as this man. She was sympathetic, offering to (and following through on) providing me and other people in my hall who felt unsafe RA escorts when necessary. She also expressed that while the incident should be reported to the Title IX department, she did not expect anything helpful to come of the report and did not want me to get my hopes up, expressing specific disdain for the head of the Title IX department, who, from her own personal experience and the experiences of her friends, she found to be entirely ineffective at providing justice in these kinds of situations.
That night I felt unsafe sleeping in my room. I stayed in my friend's dorm, without any of my stuff, terrified and freezing (the window wouldn't close, and it was winter).
Soon after the incident, I had a Zoom call with the Title IX coordinator. I expressed how unsafe I felt and provided for her the names of every person involved in the incident. Additionally, I brought up another Title IX issue with this same neighbor that had been reported by at least two other hallway members but had never been resolved: that this neighbor often masturbated with his door open. I made it clear to her what my (and my neighbors) desires were in this situation: we just didn't want to live next to him anymore, as we felt unsafe doing so. She assured me she would come up with a plan to help resolve the situation.
My neighbor, who overheard the Zoom call through our thin shared wall, brought over one of the other men involved in the incident. They knocked on my door, shouting "we know you're in there!" until I answered. My neighbor and friend, let's call her "R", who was appraised of this situation and similarly uncomfortable with our neighbor, opened her door across the hall, to monitor and ensure my safety during the conversation. The two men apologized, saying they'd "had a hard semester" and they attempted to apologize to me. I told them that having a hard semester wasn't an excuse for sexual assault, that I wouldn't accept their apology, that they should be ashamed of themselves and their actions, and that they should leave me the fuck alone.
Eventually, I had an in-person discussion with the Title IX coordinator, my neighbor R, and my friend who had witnessed the incident with me. R had zero desire to participate in this discussion as she had already had traumatic, unsatisfactory dealing with the Title IX department before. The coordinator insisted that unless she came forward, her anonymous report of our neighbor's open-door-masturbatory practices would be dismissed.
The coordinator’s rulings were:
They would not make my neighbor move but would give all of those uncomfortable living near him the opportunity to move (but into accommodations that weren't sufficient for my disability).
That our neighbor had not been masturbating with the door open but had been working out with shake weights. This one was particularly absurd, as at least three people had witnessed him masturbating with the door open. Also, we all know the difference between a shake weight and a penis.
The team would receive additional anti-assault training. I have no idea if this ever actually happened.
That in future housing accommodations, I would never have to live near the men involved again. The next year, three of the men involved lived at the end of my hallway.
My experience with the Title IX department was nothing short of horrific and unsatisfactory — and my experience didn't even include an assault perpetrated on my person. I'd say I can't imagine what it would be like to go through this process while dealing with the emotional aftermath of sexual assault — but that'd be a lie! The majority of my friends found themselves reporting incidents to the Title IX department at least once during their time at Oberlin, and not one of them received any kind of justice they were satisfied with.
When upperclassmen have to warn lowerclassmen that they won't receive justice from a department designed to serve those seeking justice, OBERLIN HAS NOT ONLY FAILED US ON A DEPARTMENTAL LEVEL BUT AS AN INSTITUTION.
Frankly, I cannot understand how the Title IX coordinator is still employed by Oberlin, let alone as the head of an entire department.
