“Setting Boundaries”

Content Warnings include descriptions of seeking Title IX support in the aftermath of sexual misconduct, and sharing a living space with an abuser.

I went to Title IX because of what my (now ex)-roommate had been doing to me. I went into the meeting shaking, and the person from Title IX only made things worse. After I explained what had happened, she said that there was nothing Title IX could do and that I should tell my roommate to stop the sexual misconduct. Only after I told her to stop and “set boundaries” could they intervene, and that was only if she broke the boundaries I set up. I didn’t realize you had to “set boundaries” to ask people to not commit sexual harm toward you, but that’s what the Title IX representative told me. She didn’t offer support in confronting her or what to do in the meantime. I had stopped sleeping while she was in our dorm room and I was avoiding the room and her at all costs. After the meeting, I did manage to tell her to stop, but she continued her actions, as “setting boundaries” doesn’t exactly stop people who’ve committed that sort of harm from committing it again. I was severely sleep-deprived and falling apart at this point, and hearing that Title IX wasn’t going to help me made me feel trapped. I never went back to them, even though I did what they told me to do, and she continued. It felt like I would never be able to escape the situation. I considered dropping out. Luckily, I no longer share a room with her, but that isn’t thanks to Title IX at all. I no longer trust or respect the Title IX Office, and were something to happen to me again, they would be the very last people I would consider talking to.